For a long time, I believed that my only
solution, my only escape was to kill myself. It
sounds horrible to say that now, but that was
the depth of my despair that I believed
something so crazy could solve my problems..
Someone pointed out that once I wad dead,
I would never have the opportunity
to be anything different.
Someone made me promise
to never act on those feelings,
to give myself a chance to get better
and I reluctantly agreed .
to understand how I came to be the mess I had become. Many times, I thought I wouldn't
survive the truth of knowing and admitting it all to myself. I felt that my heart would just stop on
it's own from the agony of it all. Many times, I thought that God had forsaken me and I raged
in anger at what I thought was God's abandonment of that little girl I once was.
Years passed and I despaired that I would never be anything more than the mess I was but still
I hung on to that promise to stick around and see it through. I hung onto the chance that
Someone was right and I would become more than I was. I would become healed. I would
recover from the loss and shame and anger I felt and that I would begin to rebuild my life into
something more. I hung on like a dog worrying a rag; I sunk my teeth into
and never let it go because anything I got later had to be better
than what it was right now.
He was right, this Someone. This past Sunday, I was overcome with gratitude that I hadn't
died. I was grateful that I had hung on for all those years so that I could enjoy my life today. I
knew that God had never abandoned me for one tiny second, that he had preserved my life, and
kept a part of me clean and whole so that one day, I could look back and say,
"I was there,, but I'm there no longer."
Today was that day, and even though I still have hard days and work to do, I can say without a
doubt. Life is sweet. Life is satisfying. Life is good. Life is a jubilee.
If you feel that despair right now, if you feel that isolation and you fear that you will never make
anything of your life, remember me. Remember my journey.
Find someone who will believe in you when you cannot believe in yourself.
Know that if you hang around and continue to try, your life will get better.
God has not forsaken you for even one tiny minute.
Thousands of years ago, God made this promise for us all:
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not
harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Hang in there. God's promises are true and will come to pass
if you give God a chance to make them true in you.
Home
Me
Ministry
Home
If you copy them, please give me credit for their creation. Thanks.
For broken links, questions or errors, please contact the webmaster.
